Thoughts Of You
by AJeff
Summary: Alex and Izzie's thoughts on each other after their kiss.
1. Chapter 1

Alex stepped out of the shower dripping wet, quickly he wiped himself down and put on his shorts flopping himself right into bed. Another day ended at the hospital for him, but nothing entered his mind except that scenario of Izzie in his arms at Joe's. He's never done anything that spontaneous before, especially for all of Seattle Grace's interns in his presence. What possessed him to do the unthinkable? Ah, now he remembers. Nicole. The young girl who wanted her first kiss from him. He was a cocky, arrogant bastard who thought nothing of embarrassing Izzie with pictures of her earlier days of modeling. Somewhere along the way, his feelings for her had changed. He lays in bed with a smile plastered on his face staring straight up into the ceiling. He sees her in front of him as if he could reach out and hold on to her as he had done earlier in the evening. He longed to have her in his arms again planting soft kisses all over her. When did Izzie find her way into his heart?

Izzie sat in front of her bedroom mirror dressed only in a tee-shirt brushing her long blond hair. Putting her hairbrush down, with her fingers, she gently caresses her lips, closes her eyes, reliving the taste of his mouth on hers and feeling his gentle sucking. She can still feel his strong arms embracing her tightly. She smiles and wonders when and if it will ever happen again. She never planned this, never expected this. Since their first date, he seemed to occupy her every thought. Arrogant Dr. Alex Karev. When first meeting him, she could never have imagine someone like him in her life, but now, she can never imagine him not being in her life. When did Alex find his way into her heart?


	2. Chapter 2

Izzie felt her heart break in half. Being the only doctor not in the delivery room, concerned, she had gone in search for Alex, thinking he'd be in the room asleep due to exhaustion. She found him in bed, doing some extra curriculum activities.

Izzie hadn't realized how fragile her heart was until she could feel it breaking. What the hell was he doing? Testing his manhood? She wonders if he feels guilty of what he's done to her. Or is he guilty for being caught?

What possessed him to do what he had done? Even if he tried to, Izzie would definitely not listen to his asinine excuse. She could though, get even, or better yet do one better. But, she wasn't that kind of a person. She even forgave him for humiliating her over her posed pictures in which he had the audacity to plaster it on the walls of the hospital.

Izzie was a good girl, nice girl. Alex, well, she was right in the very beginning, on her opinion of him. He was an obnoxious jackass with no feelings whatsoever. He was heartless. He would be wasting his time trying to apologize to her. What possible reason would be acceptable?

She hates herself for what she feels for him. It would be so easy to just rip her heart out and throw away the pieces which gave her a warm feeling for him. But, it would have to be her whole heart and it's not like she could grow another one.

Dr. Alex Karev. A slime, a snake, a weasel. Take a pick!


	3. Chapter 3

Izzie is like a glass house, so delicate, if you touch her, she'll break into a thousand pieces. And no one, but no one would be able to help her mend her broken heart. She thought their relationship was going quite well. Her heart would go pitter patter when she'd see Alex down the hall, in the cafeteria and tending to the care of patients. And that kiss! She could have gone all night if it wasn't in such a public place at Joe's.

Does he think he's some sort of god? A gift to women? Izzie can't get that picture out of her mind, that nurse in bed with him. It's supposed to have been with her. She had begun to trust him, trust their relationship and this happens. She thought everything was fine. Well, except that one little problem of his. And he goes to fix it with that mousey nurse, Olivia! Izzie's a surgeon. She could easily chop up his family jewel into bits and pieces, then flush it down the toilet bowl. Will he still feel like a man?

She clutches her chest ready to crumble down to the ground. But, he's not worth all the trouble. Why is it then, that Izzie can't get Alex off of her mind? It's because she loves him. And she thought there was a slight chance he loved her, too. She guessed wrong. The only one Alex loves is himself, tending to his own satisfaction.

Alex sees the hurt in her eyes. He's tried to approach her, tried to talk to her. She wants nothing to do with him. He can't blame her. How could she possibly ever forgive him? If it was in a reversed situation, he doesn't know if he could either. But, Izzie would never do anything like that. He knows she's not that kind of a person.

How could he have sunk so low as to have treated someone he loved that way? Love? Yes, Alex loves her. And he knows, deep down what she feels for him is nothing but disgust and hate. And he doesn't blame anyone but himself.


	4. Chapter 4

"Alex," she says his name softly as she closed her eyes and laid back in bed, pulling the covers up, as if trying to hide from the world. Nothing's quite the same now. Izzie was no longer the happy person she once was. No matter how hard she tried not to think of him, he occupied her thoughts and she had no control of it.

Like a little girl, she had actually been counting the days until they would be together, alone to celebrate christmas. Only this holiday season didn't seem to matter to her anymore. She won't shed any tears for him, she told herself. He most certainly was not worth it, but she felt a lone tear escape her eye, as it slowly slid down her face. Quickly she wiped it away.

Alex stood leaning against his kitchen counter slowly taking a sip of his coffee. He had such great plans for the both of them. There is a Santa, he told himself when he checked their work schedule and found they were both off on christmas eve. He had planned a romantic setting for that night. A candlelight dinner, exchanging gifts under the tree and a cozy fireplace where they would snuggle up with each other to end the perfect night was on his itinerary. She was the best person to have entered his life.

All Alex wanted for christmas was Izzie, nothing more. To have her walk into the room would just bring a smile to his face. Well, it wasn't going to happen. He ruined christmas for the both of them, all because he was busy with someone else jingling his bells, while he was decking her hall.


	5. Chapter 5

Izzie never imagined she'd breakdown and cry over Alex, let alone, in front of him. She thought she was handling the situation quite well. But, suddenly, her anger got the best of her. She yelled at her friends for helping him out in preparation for his medical board exam. She too, was forced to help her colleague out. She couldn't believe she was doing this.

She approached that snake as he laid asleep and hit him. When questioned why she'd help him after what he had done to her, she hollered because it was what Jesus would fricken do. So, she played a patient and had begun to cry excessively as Alex watched helplessly.

He cheated. Can't he see what he was doing to her? Doesn't he know she only wanted him to love her? Izzie wanted to be held by Alex, have him comfort her as she cried. She wanted him to make everything alright. She wanted him.

"Oh, Izzie. I never wanted to hurt you." It broke Alex's heart for he never knew how much of an effect he had on her. He sat on the gurney and faced Izzie as she cried. He wanted to gently pull her into his arms and tell her everything would be alright. He wanted to cradle and comfort her. He wanted her.

Alex wanted to tell her he loved her. But, he was too afraid to say anything. He didn't know what to do. So, he just sat and watched her cry. He was helpless. What had he done to her? All he wanted was for her to love him. He wanted her.


	6. Chapter 6

The new year was six days old and Izzie had been waiting for what seemed like a million years for Alex. Would it have killed him to have picked up Mr. Bell's invention to wish her a "Happy New Year"? Were his fingers broken? Godsakes! He had already missed christmas. Okay, so she's still angry with him. Who wouldn't be? With that Olivia! The thought of her and the mention of her name made Izzie nauseous. She had wanted to ring in the new year with him. Well, that was before he broke her heart. Not that she had expected him to go crawling on his knees begging for forgiveness, but he could have called. He should have called. Hell! She even helped him with his board exam.

Board exam! It terrified Izzie that he might not pass. She could only imagine how Alex felt. So, he's a lot preoccupied right now. His future was at stake. How could she have been so selfish? Alright, she's probably the last thing on his mind right now. His job's on the line. Maybe, she'll forgive him for not calling her on new years. She crosses her fingers and hopes he'll pass. And after that? He'll make amends with her. He'd better!

Izzie laid her hand on her chest as if hanging on to her heart, her broken heart. A part of her hates him for what he's doing to her inside, but, the other half still loves him.

Happy New Year, Izzie. Alex had wanted to take her in his arms as she passed him around the corner of the hospital corridor, hold her close and whisper in her ears just how much he loves her. Only, the arrogant, hot shot, Alex Karev was afraid to. He broke her heart. What possible reason could he say to her? He admitted he was such an ASS to have treated her the way he did. He should be so fortunate to have someone like Izzie to have a slight interest in him, with her looks and brains. He spent new year's eve at the hospital. At the strike of midnight, Alex had thought of giving her a call. But, decided against it. All he needed was to hear a slam on the other end of the line. Instead, he sat alone in the locker room while everyone else was celebrating 2006.

Alex had been worried about his future at Seattle Grace. Alright, he tells himself. After everything is over, when he finally passes his board, he will definitely go to Izzie, ask for forgiveness, do whatever, even if he has to crawl on bended knees.

Alex feels the pounding in his chest as he clutched his heart. He's never felt anything of the sort where it seems like his heart would actually explode. But then, he has never fallen in love with anyone until Izzie came into his life.


	7. Chapter 7

Izzie's New Year's resolution was to let go of her situation with Alex. Ah, Denny. She's never had a patient that captured her heart as he did. Never get involve with your patients. She could have, would have. It saddened her when he failed to receive a new heart. Life was so unfair.

There were so many Alex's in the world, but only one Denny. The one with a big heart, who needed an even bigger one to keep him alive. It broke her heart as she watched him leave the hospital as he turned and bid her goodbye. Hopefully, she hopes it was not for good.

Thoughts of Alex popped into her head. Did she just tuck him away somewhere in her heart when Denny came into the picture, sweet gentle Denny. Or is she completely over Alex?

Alex's thoughts of Izzie filled his head. He never knew what jealousy felt like until Denny came into the picture. A heart patient, he laid helplessly in the hospital bed, but, yet, ever so charming. Dr. Karev hated the attention their new patient was giving Izzie. But, yet, he did admit to himself if Izzie was to be with someone else, it should be with someone like Denny.

It frightened Alex for he thought he lost Izzie for good. Correction, he knows he lost her for good. Denny is a gentle man, well mannered, who would be perfect for her. She was a warm and loving person who deserved the best. Alex knew he definitely doesn't deserve her.

He blamed himself for everything. It's ironic, here was a man who awaited for a match to find the perfect heart to keep him alive. In Alex's eyes, Denny already had a perfect heart in him.


	8. Chapter 8

He passed. Deep down in her heart, Izzie was happy Alex had passed his medical board exam. She would have hated to see him leave. She so wanted to congratulate him, as she read the result of his letter. First instinct was to give him a hug and repeat that first kiss at Joe's, a kiss so hot, that it still sent shivers up and down her back. But, instead, she held back her feelings for him. For now, she's destined to step back and yearn for him silently. In time, she'll forgive him for her broken heart. But, not quite yet.

Alex was relieved he passed his exam. Now what was the next thing on his agenda? Ah, Izzie comes to his mind immediately. Having her back in his life was all he could think of. He's thankful she's even talking to him. But, just how would he go about it? How could he make her trust him all over again? He'd thought of asking her out to celebrate. He needed to plan the perfect outing, just the both of them, cuddled in a corner of a fancy, romantic restaurant, sipping champagne, their eyes only on each other. Would she say yes? He's afraid to ask for fear of rejection. So, he goes home to celebrate all alone, in his darkened living room, the television is his only companion with a bottle of beer in his hand.


	9. Chapter 9

Never in his wildest dreams have Alex imagined this would happen. He thought there was no future of having any further relationship with Izzie. He sure was wrong. In the middle of making a cup of coffee, his beautiful model of a doctor suddenly stood at the door. He at first did not pay much attention to her as he rambled on. Everything happened so suddenly. The door behind them was closed and he found her lips locked on his. She was the one who initiated the first move and practically climbed all over him.

Alex couldn't believe his ears. She told him it had been eight months and twelve days since the last time she had sex. She so demanded him to take his pants off. He was no fool and willingly dropped his pants onto the floor. She began to undress rapidly. Izzie wanted him right then and there.

Izzie told George she wanted to be a doer and not just a watcher. She found herself all over Alex. If that didn't get a rise from him, nothing would. If she surprised him, she sure as hell surprised herself, being that she had never done anything of that sort ever before. They slammed each other against the door, where they indulged in wild, passionate kisses and hot, sweaty sex like there was no tomorrow.

Izzie wanted him to light her fire. And he sure did!


	10. Chapter 10

Alex seemed to have this smile plastered on his face every so often. Everything seemed to have worked out well with his relationship with Izzie. Well, that was until Denny arrived at the hospital. Denny, the guy who needed a heart transplant was back. He was the arrogant Dr. Karev's competition. Alex felt as if his world had just fallen apart.

He knew Izzie felt something for Denny, for she had refused to leave him as he was brought into the emergency room, although Dr. Burke was the one who tended to him. Alex had never felt jealousy until that very moment.

Izzie seemed to have taken a liking to Denny since the very first time he was a patient at Seattle Grace. It saddened her when he left without the heart transplant he was supposed to have received. Now he was back and his health looked as if it deteriorated. It worried Izzie. Life was unfair and he did not deserve that kind of outlook.

Denny was frightened, Izzie knew that, so spent time with her favorite patient and turned down a night out with Alex. Never get involve personally with a patient. She knew that, but Isabel Stevens broke all rules to be with him. She didn't care. All she wanted was to be in his company. While the both of them where toasting to juice in champagne glasses, was Alex even in her heart?


	11. Chapter 11

It had been hours since he'd left his shift at the hospital. Alex tossed and turned in bed. How the hell could he compete with a dying man? It frightened him on how Izzie had grown attached to Denny. If it had been anyone else, he would had down right punched the guy out to have ruined their relationship. Okay, he thought to himself. He was the opposite from Denny. Arrogant vs. Niceness. And Denny seemed to have won this round.

Izzie had been upset with Alex. Why the hell had he told Denny about their relationship? She was furious, but she knew deep down that Alex felt threatened and he should be. She had never been involved with a patient until Denny came along. She knew the rules. But, her heart ruled her head. Time. Surgery would allow more time for Denny and he agreed to it, just as long as she'd be with him everyday. And Izzie promised him that. Sometimes promises were meant to be broken. But, not this time.


	12. Chapter 12

Alex knew for the past few weeks he was losing Izzie to Denny. He had known it would eventually come sooner or later. Sooner came tonight. Denny had asked him what were his chances on his condition. Dr. Karev told the truth. Patients in similar situations did not have a great chance of survival.

Four had died throughout the day, three more to go. Alex had been so sure Denny would had been one of them. He actually told Denny that Izzie did indeed like him and that she would not be the one to pull away.

Alex was wrong. Izzie did pull away only he hadn't expected that she'd pull away from him. She broke his heart in several pieces and ended their relationship.

Izzie knew her relationship with Denny was much more than just doctor/patient. She worried about him. Denny thought for sure that his days were numbered and mentioned to Izzie the location of his will.

Her relationship with Alex was merely for sex. With Denny, she actually had deep feelings for him. She told Alex that Denny was twice the man he was and told him they were through. He was not good enough for her or anyone else for that matter.

She never thought she'd fall for a patient. Izzie was the one who had initiated their kiss.

**A Kiss So Hot** you don't want to come up for air. No, wait a minute. That was with Alex at Joe's Bar. She'd forgotten.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to my four favorites. Here's to you, Genevra, Izzabella, Lady Pyrefly and Pure-Evil-Me. Thank you for being my inspirations when writing this fic. Hope this is not really the end of Alex and Izzie.**

Alex never knew how much Izzie had meant to him until Denny came into the picture. He loved Izzie. No, it's not in the past, correction, he loves Izzie. You don't know how much someone means to you until it's finally over. He should have told her what she meant to him. He could have told her. He would have. But, there was one obstacle that held him back. His pride. He was too proud to have told her that he needed her and wanted her for the rest of his life. He should have told her all of those things. Should have. Could have. Would have. But, he hadn't and he blames no one but his own stupidity. A woman needs to hear those things. Izzie needed to hear all of those things. She needed to be held tenderly, cuddled softly and have him whisper sweetness into her ears. She needed someone who really cared for her and loved her more than life itself. And it was Alex. His love for her was infinite. Any sudden move and your life changes instantly without being forewarned. Destiny brought them together. Fate pulled them apart.

"Goodbye, Izzie. I will always love you," he lowered his head and cried.

Izzie smiles to herself. "Hello, Denny."

"Goodbye, Alex."


	14. Chapter 14

Alex felt as if he could lose his mind at any given moment. If he had a mind at all. He remembered the days when he literally jumped out of bed thankful to be alive. But, that was when Izzie had been in his life. He questioned his existence.

Alex Karev never thought of anyone but himself. But, that was before Isobel Stevens knocked down that shield of iron he kept around his cold heart. He'll give himself until Sunday to build up courage to tell Izzie just exactly what he thinks of her, what she's done to him. He doesn't care if the whole world knows. What does he have to lose? Izzie came into into his mind.

He knew he must have done something wrong and blamed no one but himself for what he's gone through. People say you can't make someone love you. But, privately and smugly, he thought, "Well, maybe they can't, but I certainly can." Can he? He wondered.

He surprised himself and never expected it to happen. "Lord, give me strength," he prayed silently. Alex never believed in heaven, doesn't know if there really is a God. But, he found himself on bended knees as he prayed. Men don't cry, do they? Funny but, he did.


	15. Chapter 15

Alex Karev. He knew he had lost Izzie to Denny a long time ago. But, yet when he died suddenly due to his heart condition, Alex was there for her. It tore his heart in tiny pieces to have seen her cuddled up next to her love. Yet, no one had gotten through to Izzie except the very one whose heart she had broken.

He gently wrapped his arms around her and carried her into his arms, away from Denny. She needed that. She needed someone to have comforted her who knew how it felt to have lost someone he loved. He had clung on to Izzie as she hung on to him for support. He held on to her and gently rocked her in his arms slowly. She cried on his shoulder. Alex was the one person she leaned on in her time of sorrow.

Alex painfully embraced her tightly while she cried. And he cried along with her inside his broken heart.

Dr. Alex Karev is so in love with her. He never stopped loving Izzie.. Tonight was the night he finally realized how much he loved her.

"Goodbye, Denny." Izzie cried.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: Well, it's been awhile since I've updated this story. Since, GA will be back soon, thought I'd write a missing scene. Bold italics are Alex's thoughts.**

Alex sipped his coffee as he sat outside of the hospital. **_How did I get myself into this? Here I am obsessing over Izzie, when I know she definitely will never get over Denny's death. Will I never stop loving her? My life was so full of darkness before I came here and she was the only light in this shitty life of mine. They say there's always someone for everyone. But, she was Denny's someone. Not mine. She accepted me at one time. But, I had to go and screw it up. Serves you right, Karav. _**

He took a gulp of his coffee and watched as hospital employees entered and left the building. **_She's so different from other women I've gone out with. So different, Izzie has a good heart. Each time I see her, my heart smiles. Yet, she doesn't know it. She changed my life. Made me see things differently. She saw good in everyone. What the hell did she see in me? Well, no use dwelling over it, she soon got over me because of the shit I pulled. Stop and smell the coffee, Alex! She doesn't love you anymore. Or did she at all? _**

Alex looked at his wrist watch. His break was over and he slowly walked toward the entrance of the hospital. **_It's funny. I've been told lots of times, that I was heartless. Since when did I begin to grow a heart, because I can feel it breaking._**


End file.
